Alan is close to throwing in the towel; oh no he isn’t… oh yes he is!

Radio Times: Alan reaches the end of his tether

Characters: Alan, Eddie, Joe, Lynda, Neil, Susan, Usha

• Susan discusses Christmas dinner arrangements with Neil and engages in a little unseasonable gloating. If she entertains Emma and Chris, Jennifer will have her nose put slightly out of joint. Susan wonders if the new housing development will go ahead or whether Justin will simply move away, given that the wedding is off. Neil’s not best pleased to discover that it’s panto rehearsal tonight.
• Eddie and his father chat about the pantomime while bottling cider. They have used one barrel to fill 72 bottles. Eddie is convinced that they’re onto a goldmine. Long live Tumble Tussock.
• Usha pays a lightning visit home to find Alan tired and out of sorts. It’s the pantomime, it’s getting a bit beyond him. As she leaves, the bell rings./ Lynda has arrived to discuss her character Nightshade, or rather Carabosse, the original wicked witch which she feels the part should be from now on. She also believes that the script lacks ‘rhythm’. She’s marked up some passages for Alan’s urgent attention! Alan heaves a small sigh.
• The bath at Grange Farm is looking suspiciously full, of hot water and bottles. Joe’s concerned about it overflowing but not Eddie. Just 7 minutes more and the job’s done. Later at the panto rehearsals, Alan insists that Lynda should quit the stage until she’s needed and gets annoyed with Eddie’s constant Grange Farm product placement. Neil can’t manage to sound sufficiently “royal “and Eddie continues to go “off script”, as he’s forgotten his reading glasses. It’s not going well!
• Backstage, Usha has to contend with Susan; she’s unhappy about having to wear a green fairy costume. Onstage, Neil continues to underplay his part and Susan misses her cue. Picking up where she should be, she has a shot at introducing the health-inducing qualities of keffir to the audience. Lynda insists that her lines are too prosaic and Jazzer and Kirsty miss their cue. Alan’s had enough and with his voice raised abandons the rehearsal insisting that the cast stop behaving like children and present themselves on Wednesday, ready to work.
• Seeing the last cast member out of the hall, Usha comments that Alan had shown a side of his nature that she hadn’t seen before. He feels that he shouldn’t have yelled but somehow he feels better for it. However, he can’t avoid thinking that he might, single-handedly, have killed off this year’s Ambridge pantomime. h