William tries to sound alarm bells about his brother. Guess who is coming to lunch.

Radio Times: Joe and Bert beat ploughshares into swords.

Characters: Bert, Eddie, Helen, Joe, Neil, Pat, Tony, William

• Helen arrives home early; she has left Kirsty to lock up and is going for an hour or two in the fresh air. She is seeing Greg, Pat deduces, isn’t tomorrow enough. Pat is concerned about the relationship but Tony suggest they should get to know him better.
• William has to admit that the turkey accommodation is not a bad setup. He is less impressed with the idea that he should take Joe to Gloucester in such a busy time of the year. Surely Greg will give him the time off; Eddie cannot go because he has a big job on. At times like this Eddie wishes they were giving Ed a car. What!? William thinks that would be a mistake but it is difficult for him to explain why and the opportunity disappears with the arrival of Neil to talk turkey. Eddie heads him off by explaining that he can put some work his way and invites him to The Bull this evening.
• Joe seldom misses an opportunity these days to wind Bert up. Over a pint, the talk is of the Ploughing Competition. Didn’t Bert come second to Brian Aldridge; his ploughing is as bad as his poetry. It is all very well for Joe to jeer from the sidelines; Bert is confident of at least one prize in this year’s F&P show.
• When Bert has gone, Eddie confirms that he has phoned Alf and agreed that William will take his Grandad to Gloucester, although William has not quite gone that far yet. He tries to draw a parallel between Alf, and what Joe ought to have done when Alf was young to keep him on the rails, and Ed who needs taking in hand now, but he does not get the point across before Neil arrives.
• Neil is not to be diverted by talk of patio work. Eddie assures him that the turkey escape was a regrettable accident, a complete one-off which will not happen again. Neil need not be concerned about infection as the turkey-feed is laced with antibiotics. However Neil tries to turn the argument round: his organic hens have more resistance, so it is Eddie’s turkeys which are in the greater danger.
• Helen is also in the pub with her parents but Greg is too busy to come. Pat does not share Helen’s amusement about Greg teaching Mitch to growl at the name Crawford. In an attempt to break down the barrier, Tony suggests inviting Greg for Sunday lunch and Pat cannot object.